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The Bakers: Do These Toys Belong Somewhere?
A Review of the most dangerous book on the shelves today!

Article by Scott Tingley, July 08. 2007

This book lies. Kyle Baker is a no good liar. I read The Bakers: Do These Toys Belong Somewhere? on the understanding that it was an all ages book – something that could be given to kids to read and enjoy. It's what the back cover says. All Lies! There is no swearing and no inappropriate situations at all, and they might even like the pictures, but for your sake, DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS READ THIS. This is for YOU - not THEM!

You need to keep this book as far away from your kids as possible. Definitely buy it, and then hide it in whatever place you have determined that your children can never find - like at work, or perhaps at a friend's place, or maybe in their own room under the pile of toys that are never picked up. Certainly not where you hide the Christmas presents and that extra chocolate bar you were saving for later.

Why? Because we can't let them (kids) know that we are on to them. Baker uses cartoon versions of himself and his family (I assume) to tell the TRUTH that must never be told. We can't confirm to them that they are driving us nuts, and that we eat ice cream for lunch ourselves when they are not around, and that sometimes supper really does taste awful.

In this dangerous and stylishly drawn book of single and multi-page cartoons Baker puts into print that every great kid's movie involves the death of one of more parental figure (name me a good one that doesn't and Winnie the Pooh doesn't count – the movies aren't that great), and that we know they only cry when we SEE them fall. TREASON!

I think the most dangerous of the bunch is “Master Ike's Toddler Self Defense” in which one of Baker's three small children demonstrates the effective tactics utilized by kids to assert their will. The Bridge, The Water, and The Tree are too dangerous to fall into the wrong tiny hands

And this one can bring nothing but pain to anyone involved.

Find a quiet hidden place, like the laundry room or the dentist's office – someplace your children aren't likely to find you – and read The Bakers. Settle in and learn from The Kyle Baker Institute For Adult Education. Only 18.95 US .

Oh. And don't give it to your childless friends to read either. I love being a dad and I wouldn't want this to discourage anyone from having kids…..Well, maybe you should give it to your teenage kids as a handbook to go along with THE TALK.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

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